10 Things Not to Do when a woman tells you she wants an abortion
- DO NOT RESPOND WITH NEGATIVITY
~If you are full of negative emotions, take a breath and say nothing…it’s OK
~IF you want to say something positive, let her know. 1. You are glad she decided to tell you, 2. You are for her, 3. She’s not alone, 4. You will walk through this with her.
- do not elevate your voice
~Manage the volume, tone and pace of your voice
~You don’t want her to feel shamed or guilty for considering abortion
~Your job is NOT to bring the conviction of sin, that’s The Holy Spirit’s work
~Show compassion while speaking the truth, remind her there is help and hope
~Do talk fast or over her
~Don’t listen with an agenda to change her. She will need to know she is important, loved and respect before you can share your insight
- do not lose eye contact
~When she tells you, soften your face & voice. Be aware of your facial expressions
~Body language is a major component of communication
~Watch how she uses eye contact and try to mirror her. If she doesn’t look you in the face she may need physical space to process thoughts and feelings
~Focus on the fact she is telling you very personal information. Listen attentively
- do not use manipulation
~Avoid tactics like over-emphasizing abortion procedures, exaggerating risks or works like “kill”
~Say a quick, silent prayer before it’s your turn to talk
~God will empower you to present the truth in love
- do not use negative confrontation
~It’s important she is fully informed about the impact of abortion on her, the father and the baby
~Speak in love. Negativity represents failure to love her
~Remember this is a caring discussion with someone who loves her and has her best interest in mind
~You must be honest, but allow time for thoughtful silence. Focus on her needs
~Let her know you understand her desperation to get out of the situation
~Lovingly share any discrepancies between the reasons for an abortion and her morals/values
~Trust that God guided her to share with you and He will bring her to all truth
- do not invalidate her feelings
~It’s okay to normalize her feelings. This does not mean you agree an abortion choice is good
~Validating these feelings opens the door to discussing them. She may feel alone and disconnected
- do not play the blame game
~There may be many reasons why this happened. This is not the time to discuss fault
- do not compare her with others
~Remind her she is fearfully and wonderfully made
~Although her circumstances may not have been God’s will for this time, she carries God’s perfect creation. Demonstrate you cherish both of them
- do not tell her what she should or should not do
~We cannot force anyone to do what we think is best
~Guide her: Listen, encourage, give space, reflect back to her, point out inconsistencies
- do not say, “i told you so.”
~Speak the truth in love. Show the love of The Father, preserve the bond of trust and respect
Lives God Has Changed Because YOU Give
In Her Eyes: Ariadne's Story
Life is such a precious gift! My baby and I are thankful in so many ways for the opportunity given to us to have each other. She is my world and I wouldn’t change a thing of our journey together. Life is not always as easy as it should, we live in a roller coaster world; sometimes we are up sometimes we are down, and those moments when we are falling are scary. Then we realize we need only to gain speed and strength to go back on top, this is easy to accomplish with the help of family, friends and community.
Our story is like many others--- a very happy surprise factor in combination with so many other feelings. Happiness, anxiety and hope are a small example of them. I am a single mother. I felt the pressure of society to get rid of the most wonderful miracle in my life, but I found support in an amazing organization, Pregnancy & Family Resource center in San Bernardino.. I went there to get my first pregnancy test. All the staff treated me so nicely with attention and compassion but most importantly with respect.
I used to work two doors down from the center and saw so many girls walking into the facility, and seeing they were always coming out with a smile on their face. This made it easy for me to feel comfortable. In my first appointment I met a woman who has became a wonderful friend, my advocate, Linda. Who made a great impact in my life, I feel comfort and peacefulness when she is encouraging me to keep pushing forward. She is a God’s worker and I’m thankful to have her in my life.
The pregnancy center has provided me with things to help me with my journey as a mother, clothes, wipes, diapers , free ultrasounds, etc. whatever I need if they can they give to me. With the pass of the months it has felt so natural to go to the center. Kathleen’s face with a big smile every time I arrive, is a gift. They all take the time to listen and they care. I know this is a non profitable organization that works through donations, I have seen the positive impact that they make on someone’s life and when that rollercoaster put me back on top . They will certainly have my support in all the possible ways I can give.
I feel happy and at peace with my decision of becoming a mom. I am a believer in God and I know that my Lord loves me. But feeling my daughter moving and growing inside me showed me His magnificence. Now that she is with me and I see her eyes, her little fingers and toes, her chubby cheeks and her beautiful smile and I am in His presence.I feel I owe my life and my baby's life to this ministry. If you're thinking about donation to a non-profit ministry, I can think of no better investment than the future of families like mine. Thank you for giving to us.
In Her Eyes: Ashley's Story
My name is Ashley. The Pregnancy & Family Resource has been a blessing to me for over two years. When I first came to the center, I already knew I was pregnant. The scary part was that I didn’t know how to handle it. I grew up as a Christian, and always had God in my heart, but I looked to the world for answers. Because I had strayed from God, and I didn’t know the first step to get my life right with Him, I was asking people who do not believe in God for advice. They told me, “You’re too young. You’re not financially stable to raise a baby. You really should consider abortion.”
As a freshman in college, it was very easy to think selfishly. To be completely honest if it was not for Pregnancy & Family Resource Center, I would have listened to that advice and missed the biggest blessing God has ever given to me besides my salvation: The amazing joy and love I receive from Skyla, my little girl.
The Pregnancy & Family Resource Center not only provided me with biblical knowledge, but also gave me the confidence I needed to become a strong Christian role model that I strive to be for my daughter. The center provided me a place where I could be honest and feel comfortable with the mistakes I have made. They gave me resources and knowledge to make things right, not only for my little girl, but also for my personal relationship with God.
My advocate, Angela made me feel comfortable so that I could tell her the truth and not feel condemned. I was able to share my feelings in a safe place. The advice I received from friends was correct in one area. I was not financially stable to raise a baby, but through God and the loving people who donate their time, money and spiritual guidance to help young parents, the center helped to make it possible.
These people genuinely care about children who never asked to be conceived. Every child deserves life. They give true information about abortion, parenting and adoption. They never make you feel as if you have to make a decision based on their own opinions, but tell you what the Word of God says.
This center uses the things people donate to help change lives. Everyone could use some help. It’s not just for young mothers. The door is open to anyone. They help with the emotional part of parenting, but with the physical needs as well. For instance, my husband was working to straighten out his past mistakes and wasn’t able to be with me during my pregnancy. I wanted a baby monitor tso he could hear our baby’s heartbeat. God touched the heart of someone to donate this amazing monitor, which made it possible for my husband and me to hear our baby’s heartbeat together. I could never say thank you enough for this experience. Donations plus God makes anything possible.
It doesn’t matter what you donate. Everything given helps Pregnancy & Family Resource Center to accomplish the goal, which is to protect and defend life. My family and I can never express how thankful we are to have been blessed by those who served us and those who have given to us.
In Her Eyes: Monique's Story
I was having a lot of problems and I just didn’t know which way to turn. I thought getting rid of my unborn child was the best option that I had; that doing so would make all my problems go away.
So, I got up one morning and decided I would end the life of my precious unborn baby boy. Not because I am a cruel person, but because of a troubled relationship and financial problems. I thought that it didn’t make sense to bring a baby into this world to these conditions.
Well, I was sitting in the parking lot of the abortion clinic in full despair not really knowing if abortion was the right decision. I wondered what would happen if something went wrong and I didn’t wake up and get off that table. Could I make an abrupt decision that would change my life either way?
I figured this had to be done, that I had no choice. I walked to the door but it was locked. I was surprised because it was the time of my appointment.
When I walked back to my car I saw the pro-life demonstrators and saw the terrible pictures, but it did not change my mind. When I walked by, someone handed me a pink booklet that read, “What They Don’t Tell You About Abortions.” While I sat in my car and waited, I opened the pink booklet and started to read. Some of the information provided made sense-like what it said about breast cancer or the negative mental effects of abortion and all the bad health factors involved.
Then I was confused and a bit afraid of the consequences of abortion. I had all these thoughts running through my head when a man knocked on the car window and asked if he could pray with me. That prayer changed my life forever; I never went back to the door. He told me to go to Pregnancy & Family Resource Center where I could get help.
That was the best call I ever made because I was emotionally distraught and just needed someone to listen to me and tell me things were going to be okay.
The ladies I met there were very helpful. I received the emotional support I needed and baby supplies. I thank God that there are people who care so much when you don’t even care about yourself and are at your lowest point with no where else to turn.
My son was born in November 2012. His daddy, big brother and I love him to death. I can’t believe I wanted to abort him. I can’t stop kissing him because he is so precious!
I can’t tell anyone what to do, but abortion is wrong because it is taking the life of an unborn miracle. No one said it would be easy, but there was help for me at the Pregnancy & Family Resource Center.